This is probably the most difficult blog that I have written. Difficult to write because it is more personal than I have ever written before, and maybe difficult to read because the majority of you know me as this strong, resilient woman.

By the time I post this, I will have spent several weeks, maybe months on this (started in a hotel bar on 27th December 2022).

When something or someone is affecting your wellbeing you can’t ignore it, because it eats away at you. By the time of the flight out of the mainland it was obvious that we couldn’t sweep anything more under the carpet because it was already crammed.

The last 6 months have been a breath of fresh air, not least because we are living beside the sea where a fierce wind can blow, but we have been able to reconnect with family and friends not seen for years and make new friends.

We are incredibly fortunate, when mental health support was needed in China, it was available to us (albeit we had to wait for Shanghai to re-open and for Suzhou to allow us to visit there without fear of being quarantined). I had looked into continuing the support in Northern Ireland, and everywhere I connected with told me they had closed their books to new patients and when they opened them, there was no waiting list, it was on a first come first served basis. We chose to keep our practitioners in China and use zoom. Others don’t have that privilege and that makes me frustrated and very sad.

Not everyone is fortunate to take 7 months out of their life and go somewhere else and start afresh, but we feel that we are physically and mentally healthier from what we have done. I didn’t think I needed it, but actually I have.

I always say I censor myself on these blogs – not least because of where we have lived for the last 9 years, but, we can’t focus on the negatives, we have to see the positives. For the past 7 months we have had a longer commute (not living in boarding has been refreshing for all of us!), the time in that commute allowed decompression and we were able to talk to each other on the journey when I haven’t been distracted by anything or anyone else. We have walked everyday. I did run the promenade in Whitehead three times a week for three months, and then holidays interrupted the routine so walked it everyday instead. We have experienced so many new things together as mother and daughter (travelling and concerts), but equally as individuals we have branched out and done things on our own with other new people like joining a book club and playing tennis or playing netball and doing drama every week.

Reframing the negatives, and seeing the positives is difficult but not impossible. It is all character building and the journey makes you stronger and even more resilient than you thought you were.

I know that if I had written all of this in December it would have been a different blog… waiting was a good idea – we needed perspective.